Shell Claus

national | rights, freedoms and repression | opinion/analysis

Thursday December 22, 2011 10:49

by black betty - santa claus appreciation society

Shell Claus the black pariah of the Claus family is out to take rather than to give. Santa's younger brother has often been compared to Lucifer the dark angel. Rather than give presents, Shell Claus comes to take away what you have and destroy it. His betrayal of the spirit of thanksgiving often brings Santa to tears. In Ireland, Shell Claws has come to visit all the houses in the Erris area, offering false gifts to seduce people, but then afterwards betraying even those who give him their trust.

Shell Claws is a master of disguise and sometimes can actually be mistaken for Santa Claus. He offers gifts, but only in the hope of taking away more and ultimately destroying what you have.

In North Mayo, Shell Claws tempts people by offering gifts of money and sometimes short-term employment. Then later those people hired, are fired and can suffer from ill-health caused by heavy pollution. Cancer, asthma, and many stress related illnesses are Shell Claws final gifts to those seduced by his charisma.

But Shell Claws like Santa will come to visit every house. He harasses those who do not welcome him with incessant calls , even following them when they go out. Shell claws has employed many Mercenaries. Most notably

- The International Regimented Mercenaries for Shell Claws' (IRMS), and
- Many of the former 'Garda Siochána' who have abandoned their service towards peace and now worship 'Shell Claws' as their master, dining on the scraps from his table.
- Such people now work for Shell Claws, and endeavour to break the peace of the area permanently. They threaten the plain folk of the area with regular physical beatings, time in their house (the Prison) and with separation from their families.

Shell Claws hates every thing in life that comes for free, as it means he can't charge for it. His work is to poison the land, the water and the air. Fresh air, clean drinking water , unpolluted soil and clean seas are what Shell Claws has come to North Mayo to take away. He has also come to take away 'peace and quiet' from this country area.

Shell Claws is also an alcoholic, if u let him into your house he will not be content with a single glass of brandy and a slice of christmas cake. He will drink all the bottles he can find and eat all your christmas cake and your plum pudding. He has even been known to shit in people's sitting rooms. Be warned. Do not entertain 'Shell Claws' or his sibling 'Sell clause'.

Shell Claws has a cigar 0.01 Mb