Berties uncles were generous.

national | politics / elections | opinion/analysis

Friday September 22, 2006 16:30

by John McDermott - removefiannafail

I wish every dey was me communin dey

"Me Ma said that uncle Phil died,when he was 75 in a place where only rich people went for medical treatment when they got ill.There was no waitin lists or queus there as long as you had plenty of money.It was in a posh part of the city too out past Ballsbridge. I was grown up then and runnin the country of course.

De day de queen of Drumcondra made his Holy Communion.

"Me Ma said that uncle Phil died,when he was 75 in a place where only rich people went for medical treatment when they got ill.There was no waitin lists or queus there as long as you had plenty of money.It was in a posh part of the city too out past Ballsbridge. I was grown up then and runnin the country of course.
I was very excited on the morning I made my first holy communion.All my old pals said I would get lots of money from rich uncles like uncle Phil.
Mammy told me that my cousin Charly from Kinsealy got so much money on his communion day, that he used to dress up in his communion shirt every year on the same day, after that, and do thebeggin rounds again and again until the uncles got a bit fed up bein pestered and told him to f**k off. He never told nobody where he was going every year, and all de family thought it was funny when dey found out about it.
He never gave up though,did cuzzin Charly. He sent his pal Des after that -in his place like-, and he was such a sweet and endeerin child that Mam says that he rarely left any house empty handed. Charly was very cute though. as me mam said, "you could let him out anywhere an he,d come back with a bundle a money".The mass was a bit of a bore.The preest waffled on about how we were receevin the bodie and blood of Christ for the first time.He put sometin like a white Tayto crisp in everyones mouth and we had to swallow it quick without chewin or antin.Give me real Tayto crisps anie day.
Ae had our photographs taken outside the church.Then I called on uncle Phil.
Mam said to call him Mister Monahan because he wasnt realy my uncle.Mam said he was born in a labourers cottage wid notin, an his family was very poor.He worked hard and got rich.A man named Tom Laidlaw owned lots of land near Castleknock in the 1960s and was always complainin about the hi taxes on rich people. He sold the land,to a sindicate and went back to his ancestrel home in Scotland, cause he wasnt a proper irishman and taut that it was his dutie to pay all de taxes to de state.
Uncle Phil lived in this big house and farm called Sumerton, near Castleknock not far from Lucan. he was a neighbour of another big business tycoon called Liam Lawlor.. When Uncle Phil he died he owned a big company called Monark Propertees which was always buildin shopping centres. My mam says that dese people had less problems wid wealt and income taxes,because dey never payed any.!
Uncle Phil was in trouble wid some sillie Tribunal a few years ago when he gave €25,000 to Fianna Fail an some people said it should have been used to fix up the liver of a sick Fianna Fail politician called Brian Lenihan who died anyway after he got a new liver. We called on uncle gerry an uncle David after dat but I dont remember how much money uncle Phil gave me exactly because me mam took most of it an said it was bein put in a special savins account somewhere in de Bahamas ilands to help pay for me educatin when I got older. Dats all I have to say about de day I made me first Holie Communien.