The Ashes!

international | miscellaneous | opinion/analysis

Thursday May 06, 2004 19:42

by iosaf

Naturally will follow Ireland's trouncing of Surrey (the wombles) in the Cricket this fine day.

And Ireland's cricketeers and fans of the slow quick quick slow game of delight are preparing.
Next years 8º International Cricket Council (ICC) Trophy will be hosted by Ireland.

The press will naturally organise the pre-game panic, with stories about wombles, and muppets and anarchists coming to spoil the bowling and batting.
But don't be put off.
It will be great.
hip hip hur RA!

the event will be held with lots of matches on both side of the border (created by wombles in 1922 to hamper socialist unity in Britain) in both Dublin and Belfast.

12 of the 89 member nations will be playing.
Ireland (who will win)
the Wombles (who will cheat, and curse and engage in all beastly ungentlemanly behaviour probably drenching the pavilions in lager with hosepipes if they don't get their way)... [which they won't]
all the other countries with good cricketers the wombles have infiltrated over the last 800 years.
These include Canada, (whom we are boycotting for beating the seal pups to death and sending us back Daithi who is useless out of the pav.)
Australia (whom we are boycotting for moving the call centres and computer companies over there from the celtic tiger)
New Zealand (whom we are boycotting for hosting the Lord of the Rings)
France (whom we will help come second)
Switzerland (whom though not normally considered an elite cricketing nation have decided to finally honour thier 1327 commitment to John Baliol de Valance to field at least three outmen and do the cakes at half time)
Iceland (björk is a great cricket fan) and is wetting herself at the historic victory in Clontarf, ancient property of the Knights Templar, this lovely Thursday.
Scotland (the jock has put nothing on their website about our great and indisputable victory, you just wait the bonny day will come when we sort ye out and all!)

and a few other countries.

Spain is not sending a cricket team, but some of the best examples of the game I have yet seen for free, or without sneaking into a friend's flat overlooking a ground, has been in the Raval quarter of Barcelona.

Where amidst the speculation that poses as regeneration, and amongst the african sisters that sell themselves so cheaply, and the so great bars, and spaces, and restaurants, and hard drug dealers behind the cop shop, and streets with such mythical names, the Pakistanis play Cricket.

& they play it well.

If the Pakistanis of the Raval were Wombles, or tried for a national team, they'd cream Ireland.
Even the ireland who finally meets the Beckett.
An Ireland that today knocked those cursed Surrey Wombles out at 262 with 10 balls to spare.

I like that, I'll repeat it :- "balls to spare".

This is the first time our National Cricket side, which Beckett played for has beaten a county side of Womble Cricket since 1997.
We have never (to my knowledge) beaten Surrey.

Celebrate on the streets tonight!
Balls to Spare!

Meanwhile, news from Coca Cola the mega corp everyone loves to hate, and whom I shall someday entrust with great responsibilities to prove what a top ten corp must be able to prove, and has "in the spirit of Shakleton" sent a team of executives to Antartica to test their skills. (I told you about that in a Sunday papers or one of the other days of the week can't remember).
Anyway, Mr Daft the current CEO is being replaced by an Irish Man!
http://unison.ie/breakingnews/index.php3?ca=35&si=54960
Great eh?
Big Rosy Patriotic Glow There ¿eh?

Watch out you Wombles!
(those few of you who have not already capitulated to our superior technology, indymedia system, cricket, sense of humour, cryptography, ministry of truth and blogging skills.)

it is only 24 hours since I declared war on the social assemblies of England and their representatives in Ireland the British Thugs who think to turn water cannon on my little babies.

And you're trounced!

Reclaim Ireland!

If any Womble wishes to surrender, just make the journey to the border "YOUR BORDER" where we'll take your posters off you, and do our best to make you fine cricketers, sober, clean, hard-working, rational, civilised, and trustworthy just like us.
Don't worry you will be treated well, we Irish treat our prisoners with Honour.

:-)
it'll all be over by christmas.
I'm not sure I need to come back to Howth after all, you're doing grand.